Here lately I've been thinking about my dad a lot. Well, when you lose a parent, I guess you always think about them a lot. But there are some major changes happening in my life and I think that my father is on my mind more because I wish he was here to celebrate in these life changes with me. For example, I'm taking a new job that is a step forward for me. I know without a doubt God is leading me here and I'm excited about the new adventure and chapter in the lives of me and my family. But, I'm somewhat melancholy because my father isn't here to see it and be a part of it. I miss that. I miss that he's not riding me about the things I need to be doing in order to make our families move a smooth transition. I also miss his advice and wisdom.
But all that isn't what this post is about. This post is about the mirror image of my father I see in me. I'm thinking a lot about my father because I'm seeing so much of him in myself. Like when I look down on my knuckles I see freckles appearing that have never been there. For some reason, I always remember my dad having those same freckles on his knuckles. When I wrestle with my kids and find myself saying the same jokes and doing the same things my father did with me when I was a kid. Today, in the office at work, I laughed at something that was funny and I heard the exact same chuckle my father made that I used to secretly think was funny. And worst of all (but really best of all) I did my fathers "clap" the other day. Yep, I know what you're thinking...what's a "clap"? Well, my dad, when he applauded, did so in a very distinct manner. He would hold his hands up at about chest height and clap. However, he somehow coordinated he's head and jaw to flow in beat with his clapping. He would bob his head up and down with each clap as well as chuckle with his jaw moving in a very perfect up and down pattern - also in beat with the clapping. My family made fun of him for years because of this. Well sure enough, I caught myself doing the "Markgraf Clap" in public not long ago. I immediately stopped myself! I couldn't believe what I had done. I even looked around to see if the rest of my world around me had noticed...lol. Secretly (and not so secret now) I'm glad I did it and for the first time, did it as my own rather than as a joke. It was something that reminded me of dad.
All of those things have made me think of my dad a lot here lately. I'm glad. Unlike a photo or another memory that can be lost in a move or forgotten over time, these are parts of my dad that are ingrained into me. They're are the parts of him that have physically become parts of me. These are the constant reminders of a man I dearly love and are things that no one, and nothing can take away from me.
It all makes me wonder one thing though...what am I carrying around that my Father in heaven has placed in me that is truly me? Shouldn't the world be seeing those things too?
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