A Life Lesson from My Eight Year Old

                Baseball is a crazy sport where I live. Well, it's not that the sport itself is any more ridiculous, it's just that it's taken so seriously that it gets a little crazy. My son, who is 8, made the all star team this year. I was super excited for him. Only 12 players out of his entire league made the cut. I was especially proud of him because baseball was never my sport. I don't particularly enjoy watching it and when I played as a child, I was terrible. But he really enjoys it and is a decent player. He, by no means, is the best player on the team. He may actually be toward the bottom. He generally catches the ball very well, he's not afraid of it, he's one of the top two or three fastest kids, and he's pretty good at bat. He needs a lot of work throwing though. But, like I said, he's not the worst, but certainly not the best either.

                In the state tournament he just played in he taught me a lesson I'll never forget. He had been playing first base, but in this particular game he wasn't playing at all. He wasn't in the batting line up, nor was he playing the field. The coach had him collecting the bats...and that was pretty much it. I was confused, frustrated, and if I'm honest...hurt. My son should be playing...somewhere. I was getting furious. Why was my son the only player on the entire team through 3 innings not to step on the field. So, in my heated frustration (which if you know me, you know that generally things don't bother me at all) I marched myself right over to the dugout and yelled at the coaches, "Does Dawson need to pack up his bag right now? Do we need to go home or is he actually going to play?" I continued, "I'm not trying to be a jerk, but this is ridiculous!" The coach chipped in, "Well, you're being a pretty good one right now! But he's going in, every kid has to play." I stomped away still fuming. My poor, pitiful child who wasn't getting to play for his team was about to go in because the team "every kid HAS to play." That was even more of an insult to me. I packed up my bag chair and left the infield viewing area and went out to where my wife and mother-in-law had already moved to.

                Once I sat back down, it hit me. I had become the very thing I can't stand. I let my emotions get the best of me and in turn, showed everyone there the worst of me...including my son who stared at me in the dugout throughout my entire Mr. Hyde episode.  knew immediately that I needed to apologize. After the game, I quickly found all three coaches and apologized for my actions. I apologized to their wives as well. After all, they don't answer to me. I'm not the coach, they are. The coach calmly talked to me and explained why my son wasn't playing that particular game and it honestly all made since...and had nothing to do with him as a player. Everyone was very forgiving and explained to me that they had all pretty much been there before.

                However, the real lesson in this didn't come until my son came out of the dugout. He ran up to me with the biggest grin on his face. He excitedly yelled, "Dad! Guess what!? I got to be the bat boy! It was awesome! I also got to be a runner for one of the other kids! It was great!" So you see, there it is. My son had a blast! Isn't that why we let him play to begin with? Isn't that the whole reason he was there? Wasn't that the whole reason sports were invented...for people to recreate and have fun? Here I was trying my best to protect my poor child from the evil coach monster that was destroy his fun and he was having the time of his life doing exactly what he was asked to do. Oh, by the way, I always tell him to "just be ready to do whatever the coach asks you to do." Maybe it would behoove me to start asking my kids how things are rather than assuming I already know. As parents, maybe we do a little too much assuming and not enough talking. If I would have waited until after the game and have seen my sons response first, I could have spare everyone having to watch me act like a fool.

James 1:19

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

Procrasti...Eh, I'll Finish This Title Later

Crazy, huh? I'm writing about procrastination this week. Well, I haven't written a blog in about a year...which says I've been procrastinating on that for some time. I wanted to, but I kept putting it off until tomorrow...which, of course, never came. I had all kinds of blogs I was going to write and twice as many excuses on why not to write them. Good excuses too; like the one where I was tired and decided I should take a nap. Oh, and the one where I told myself I deserved a break from writing because I was in school and had to write enough as it was. And then there was the excuse that I didn't have time because I was too busy...and then went and watched some TV. Then there's the one where I decided I didn't know how to blog. I also decided once that no one cared, so I didn't write. See what I mean, Really Good Excuses (note the sarcasm). I guess that's what brought me here today. I thought, I should write about procrastinating to stop procrastinating, to myself.

So, now on to writing about procrastination. Procrastination is a demon! I've been reading the book "The War of Art" by Steven Pressfield and it's given me great insights to the role of resistance in our lives. It talks about how resistance goal is to destroy us and is not satisfied until it does. Wow, how true is that! Procrastination may be Satan's finest tool. The ability to show us what we should do, have the insight to know we can accomplish it, and then rob us the satisfaction of completion is an affective tool for depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Not only that, but how affective this tool is in preventing me from doing what God wants me to do. It seems silly to think I'd lean on a crutch of Satan's rather than flourish in the power of the Almighty!

 As I look at my excuses for not blogging, I think I can honestly say I've used them all before. Like when I decided I was tired to go to church, so I slept in that day. Or the time I felt lead to attend Bible study but decided I was too busy and watched football instead.  Or that time when I was asked to preach and didn't because I was afraid I didn't know how. Or the time I was going to serve at church and thought nobody really cared if I did. These are my excuses. Some of them might be yours too. I say it's time to give the devil his crutch back and start living life more abundantly!

Procrastination confuses our priorities and uproots God's plans in our lives.It's the death of our motivation and of truly living. If you're wondering why you feel God hasn't given you any direction, it might be because your not actually following the directions he's given you. At least, that's how it's happened in my life. From now on, I'm choosing the life God already chose for me. John 10:10 says, "A thief comes to steal and kill and destroy, but I came to give life—life in all its fullness." Won't you join me? Let Satan keep his silly little tools. They ain't got nothing on the power of Christ, who already defeated death and has raised us all to a new life! Let's Go Live!

One Day in Paradise

Sweetness revoked by the angels tongue
splendor fades into the flight
all glory and honor
silenced, muted,
fallen.

The once joyful noise makes our ears bleed and sours our souls
drawn in by it's beauty
and harmonious grandeur
taken in, deceived,
dropped.

The brilliance of the colors that cause our hearts to sway,
sway away with the stars of the darkened sky
for they are the
only light left
lost, lonely...
alone.

This rustling of angels wings should cause the heart to jump,
the cave of protection fears and flees
when reality is clear
tense, trembling
terror

And that sound, those sights, that smell of delight
that draws the naive in like infatuation to love
What was broken breaks more
pieces, penalties
pursuit of truth
denied!

Healing Soul

Oh the silence hurting my ears
Are you here, are you here
My voice echo’s return is clear
Are you here, are you here

On my throne crowned with fears
Are you here, are you here
My vacant soul filled with tears
Are you here, are you here

Looking back to anywhere
You were there, you were there
Seeing just how much you cared
You were there, you were there

Held captive in your loving stare
You were there, you were there
Trembling, falling, faithful, scared
You were there, you were there

So why is it now I do not know
Where did you go, where did you go
Hanging by a thread to sew
Where did you go, where did you go

Pacing darkness to and fro
Where did you go, where did you go
The fall is fast and seems so slow
Where did you go, where did you go

Come to me before I mar
There you are, there you are
A breath away just seems so far
There you are, there you are

My dark night’s last eschar
There you are, there you are
The dawns redeeming shining star
There you are, there you are!

The Trini-what?

As a Christian leader in ministry, I see a lot of different perspectives from one person or people group to another as it pertains to the Christian faith. What's more, I see those differences in the Christian faith itself too. However, a general consensuses most Christians do agree on is that God exists in three persons called the Trinity. They are God the Father, Jesus Christ the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Recently I came across a mother and daughter who were self-professed Christians but had never heard of the Trinity. They even stated that they're denomination didn't believe in the Trinity because it simply didn't make sense. I used to be a part of that denomination and I assure you, they do believe in the Trinity. Without the Trinity, the Christian faith begins to unravel...but that's a different post for another time. So, back to the point here, they're confusion over the issue was that the Trinity wasn't possible. How could God be father and son and still something else. To answer this, I turn to something I learned from my sisters church.

Most explanations of the Trinity come in the form of physical items that take on 3 distinct qualities. For example, water. It can be in a liquid form, the gas form we know as steam, or the solid form we know as ice. However, I've never felt that does justice to the reality of God's positions in the Trinity. It doesn't help us grasp how people relate because H2O isn't alive. I prefer the model of ourselves. Take me, for example. I was born to great parents 33 years ago. I am a son. However, 7 years ago I also became a father when my wife and I had our first child. So, now I am a father AND a son. But it doesn't end there. I was the third of 3 children. I am also a brother. How is it that I can be one person but exist as three different people? Well, because I simply am all those things. No matter how you slice it, I'm a father, a son, and a brother and the list goes on. If I can be these things as one person, how much more can the God of the universe exist in three persons as one God? Suddenly, this all is beginning to make more sense...don't ya think?

In The Mirror

Here lately I've been thinking about my dad a lot. Well, when you lose a parent, I guess you always think about them a lot. But there are some major changes happening in my life and I think that my father is on my mind more because I wish he was here to celebrate in these life changes with me. For example, I'm taking a new job that is a step forward for me. I know without a doubt God is leading me here and I'm excited about the new adventure and chapter in the lives of me and my family. But, I'm somewhat melancholy because my father isn't here to see it and be a part of it. I miss that. I miss that he's not riding me about the things I need to be doing in order to make our families move a smooth transition. I also miss his advice and wisdom.

But all that isn't what this post is about. This post is about the mirror image of my father I see in me. I'm thinking a lot about my father because I'm seeing so much of him in myself. Like when I look down on my knuckles I see freckles appearing that have never been there. For some reason, I always remember my dad having those same freckles on his knuckles. When I wrestle with my kids and find myself saying the same jokes and doing the same things my father did with me when I was a kid. Today, in the office at work, I laughed at something that was funny and I heard the exact same chuckle my father made that I used to secretly think was funny. And worst of all (but really best of all) I did my fathers "clap" the other day. Yep, I know what you're thinking...what's a "clap"? Well, my dad, when he applauded, did so in a very distinct manner. He would hold his hands up at about chest height and clap. However, he somehow coordinated he's head and jaw to flow in beat with his clapping. He would bob his head up and down with each clap as well as chuckle with his jaw moving in a very perfect up and down pattern - also in beat with the clapping. My family made fun of him for years because of this. Well sure enough, I caught myself doing the "Markgraf Clap" in public not long ago. I immediately stopped myself! I couldn't believe what I had done. I even looked around to see if the rest of my world around me had noticed...lol. Secretly (and not so secret now) I'm glad I did it and for the first time, did it as my own rather than as a joke. It was something that reminded me of dad.

All of those things have made me think of my dad a lot here lately. I'm glad. Unlike a photo or another memory that can be lost in a move or forgotten over time, these are parts of my dad that are ingrained into me. They're are the parts of him that have physically become parts of me. These are the constant reminders of a man I dearly love and are things that no one, and nothing can take away from me.

It all makes me wonder one thing though...what am I carrying around that my Father in heaven has placed in me that is truly me? Shouldn't the world be seeing those things too?

God Owes Me!!

God owes me…right? Doesn’t God owe me for becoming a Christian? I mean, I did SAY I believe in Him. Heck, I even said it in front of others a time or two. God owes me!

God owes me because I did what he said I should. I got baptized in front of a lot of people just so they’d know I was serious. So, God owes me!

God owes me because I’ve done everything right. I pray sometimes…I read my Bible some. I even give God a whole hour or two one day a week. That’s not my time. I sacrifice that time…right? God owes me!

God owes me because he loves me. And if he loves me, he owes me a better life…right? God owes me!

I mean really, what’s God done? He sent his son to die in my place. He sent his son to die so that I could spend eternity beyond the pettiness of this world in an unimaginable paradise with him. He sent his son to die just so he and I could be friends. He traded his own child’s life so he and I could have a relationship. Wait, he literally offered up his son; HIS WISE, SMART, GREAT, PERFECT, SINLESS, LOVING CHILD, so that a foolish, ignorant, ungrateful, filthy, sinful, unlovable person like me could be claimed as his child instead. That doesn’t even make since. That kind of love for me is unparalleled in this world.

No, God doesn’t owe me. If anything…I OWE GOD my life! Wait...didn't I say I gave it to him? :-o